Crustav-News International

Authorities in the United States were left speechless after local United States Citizen known only as “Punkinob” was apprehended for attempting to lure children using what officials described as a “disgustingly stupid trap” only known as the Money Luring trap, where one puts money on a hook, and gets people to try and pick it up as it slowly moves.

The method? A crisp $1 bill tied to a string. “Every time the kid went down to pick it up, he yanked it away,” said Officer Linda McDonaldsFries, after that, Linda was arrested for the assault of a witness. They are awaiting trial, although that is another article.

Witnesses described Punkinob as “Orange, like donald trump” Which i refuse to believe, because i dont think blue looks like orange. Are they colorblind? Not that sure. Someones gotta get their eyes checked. One child said, “He said he’d eat me if I didnt follow the money.” Another claimed he heard Punkinob whisper, “collect my crazy frogs”. Truly bad guy.

Police found several more paper bills taped together in a fishing line reel labeled “Poopy Butt”. An investigation is ongoing, but no children were harmed. Punkinob has been detained and is expected to face at least 337 trillion counts of trickery and loitering.